Top Ten Stories of 2019: The Dakota Free Press Wish List!

Every January 1 (or darn close!), I take a moment to look ahead to stories I’d like to report during the New Year. I don’t often get my wishes—Trump is still in the White House, and Robert Mueller hasn’t found the connection between Russian money and our local anti-immigrant rallies yet. Sometimes, though, I do come close: from my 2018 Wish List, we saw Gene Abdallah denied a seat on the Board of Pardons and Paroles, and while women didn’t win a majority of Legislative seats, women do constitute a majority of the non-incumbent Democrats headed to Pierre!

So let’s go, 2019! What do you have for us?

1. Noem Names Venhuizen Secretary of Education (Pierre, May 10): Governor Kristi Noem named policy advisor Tony Venhuizen as her permanent Secretary of Education today. Venhuizen takes over immediately for Ben Jones, whom Noem appointed as an interim caretaker while Venhuizen coordinated strategy for Noem during her first Session as Governor. “After keeping Rhoden in line during Session,” said Noem, “Venhuizen proved he’s ready to handle the education establishment.”

2. Rhoden Out, Lavallee In (Union Center, May 9): Larry Rhoden announced his resignation from the position of lieutenant governor. Often short-tempered while presiding over the 2019 Senate and heard physically threatening legislators who objected to his rulings from the chair, Rhoden was rumored by multiple Pierre insiders to be chafing in his subordinate role to an autocratic governor. Mere minutes after Rhoden sent his announcement to the media, Governor Noem announced she is choosing Michelle Lavallee as her new lieutenant. Lavallee is a lifelong Republican but registered as a Democrat last year to serve as Democrat Billie Sutton’s running mate. “Lavallee understands that party doesn’t matter,” said Noem. “She also knows how to set her agenda aside and follow her leader.”

3. TransCanada Cancels Keystone XL (Calgary, Alberta, October 6): TransCanada confirmed what a summer of inaction and low oil prices indicated: the Canadian pipeline company will not build the Keystone XL pipeline to ship tar sands oil across the Great Plains. “Too much supply, demand going slack, the rest of the world mobilizing against climate change—the business case fell out from under Keystone XL,” admitted TransCanada CEO Russ Girling.

4. Federal Court Annuls South Dakota Abortion Restrictions (Sioux Falls, September 22): A federal court granted summary judgment to plaintiffs seeking to overturn waiting periods and other restrictions on abortion passed by the Legislature in 2011. The judge said plaintiffs were entitled to summary judgment after Attorney General Jason Ravnsborg repeatedly failed to file briefs and motions on time. In a sternly worded ruling, the judge wrote, “The incompetence that has left this court and the plaintiffs waiting is as intolerable as the state’s waiting periods on abortion are misogynist and unconstitutional.”

5. Trump Colluded with Russia, Says Erickson Under Oath (Washington, D.C., July 15): After months of fighting federal conspiracy charges, political operative Paul Erickson abruptly changed his story and said he and admitted Russian agent Maria Butina were the primary go-betweens helping the Russian government and the Trump Presidential campaign coordinate their efforts in 2016. “I loved her!” Erickson cried on a tape released by the Department of Justice today. “She told me we could bring Russia and America together just like us, and I believed her. Manafort, Jared, Ivanka, Donald himself: we spoke with all of them, brought them all messages from the FSB and Putin’s people, and they all approved replies and actions.”

After the Erickson tape hit the airwaves, Donald Trump’s Twitter feed produced a continuous stream of the same message every minute—”FAKE NEWS!!!! NO COLLOOSION!!!!”—varying only in the number of exclamation points and capital O’s.

6. Ballot Measure Reforms Head to Vote in 2020 (Aberdeen, November 28): Secretary of State Steve Barnett certified that reforms to initiative and referendum will appear on the 2020 general election ballot as Initiated Measure 26. Secretary Barnett said the petition contained 21,196 signatures, well above the minimum 16,961 necessary to make the ballot. “People were madder than I thought,” said IM 26 sponsor Cory Allen Heidelberger. “I didn’t raise money or hire circulators, but thousands of South Dakotans grabbed a petition, signed it, and got their friends to sign it. South Dakotans want their democracy back, and next November, they’ll have a chance to get it.”

7. Augustana Reverses Course on Division I Sports (Sioux Falls, December 14): Augustana University will not pursue NCAA Division I athletic status after all. Instead, says Augustana president Stephanie Herseth Sandlin, the private Sioux Falls campus will focus all of its fundraising and scholarships on academics and fine arts. “D-I sports lose money for most campuses,” said Herseth Sandlin. “Besides, we don’t need Division I sports to signal that we offer the most rigorous academic program on the prairie. Prospective students who can’t see that probably aren’t sharp critical thinkers we want to recruit anyway.”

8. Voter Registration Surges in South Dakota (Pierre, August 15): Voter registration increased in South Dakota by 2.1% during the first seven months of 2019. According to Secretary of State Steve Barnett, more than 12,000 new voters have entered the rolls since he took office in November. “We usually get these figures out at the beginning of every month,” said Barnett,” but it’s taking longer because so many of the names are hard to spell: Abdullahi, Haddaoui, Quexada, Chankuwaste, Heȟáka Sápa….”

9. Noem Expands Medicaid by Executive Order (Castlewood, June 30): Governor Kristi Noem signed an executive order directing the Department of Social Services to reinterpret statute to extend Medicaid coverage to residents with income up to 138% of the poverty level. “It was the only way to balance the budget,” said Noem from her home in Hamlin County, where she is spending the summer. “The Legislature refused, but even I can see that states that have expanded Medicaid are saving money. And Lieutenant Governor Lavallee is right: if I’m going to be pro-life, I need to be pro-health care for poor people.”

10. Tenhaken Adopts New Green Deal for Sioux Falls (Sioux Falls, June 15): Mayor Paul TenHaken announced he will propose spending $40 million on pedestrian and bicycle infrastructure, mass transit, and energy conservation in Sioux Falls. Speaking at a joint press conference at Sioux Falls Pride 2019 with visiting New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and former California governor Jerry Brown, who are touring the nation to drum up support for the national New Green Deal, TenHaken said every level of government must face the reality of climate change and the need for revolutionary action. “I can’t stand the Republican baloney anymore,” said TenHaken. “Denying science and stewardship does not fit with my Christian ethics or my awesome granola–sport dude ethos. It’s time for us to lead the world again and keep our planet green.” To launch his local Green New Deal, Mayor TenHaken signed an order declaring 26th Street off limits to motor-vehicles for the rest of the summer. He then departed with his family for his traditional Father’s Day weekend camping trip… on bicycles.