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Top Ten Stories of 2016: The Dakota Free Press Wishlist!

Ah, memories—here are my past Top Ten future stories:

2015 2010
2014 2009
2013: no list! Distracted by trip to France! 2008
2012 2007
2011

The past is past—let’s look ahead to all the great things that could happen in 2016!

Each new year I prepare a blog list of the biggest stories I’d like to see happen in the coming year. These are wishes, not predictions, but I notice with great amusement that three of my Top Ten Stories of 2015—eight initiated measures submitted, gas prices hanging below $2.40, and South Dakota recognizing Nancy and Jennie Rosenbrahn’s marriage—kinda sorta happened! Batting .300 keeps your spot on the Twins bench; let’s see what I can swing for in 2016:

1. Ballot Measure Vote Victory for Democracy, Defeat for Cronies, Corruption (Pierre, November 9, 2016): South Dakotans turned out in record numbers yesterday to vote on a big slate of ballot measures. “The people of South Dakota have spoken,” said ballot measure advocate Cory Allen Heidelberger at a campaign victory party at the Red Rooster in Aberdeen. “They rejected both referred laws, the fake 18% rate cap, and the costly Glodt amendment brought by out-of-state interests. They approved the real 36% rate cap, independent redistricting, the Anti-Corruption Act, and non-partisan primaries. These votes show that democracy works, that South Dakotans are smart enough to deal with big, complicated ballot measures, and that South Dakotans are ready for change in Pierre.”

Phil Schreck
Senator-Elect Schreck on his way to a town hall in downtown Sioux Falls on an unseasonably warm December day.

2. Senator-Elect Phil Schreck Already Bucking Beltway (Sioux Falls, December 10): Just back from his first week of on-the-job training in Washington, D.C., former KSFY weatherman, now Senator-Elect Phil Schreck didn’t mince words about the dysfunction he found in the Beltway. “Right away, the party leaders we telling me I had to spend five hours a day on the phone raising money for the party. I said no way—I’m here to serve the people of South Dakota.”

In other news, KELO weatherman Jay Trobec announced he’s moving to Idaho. “This move has nothing to do with South Dakota electing that no-good socialist as Senator. Nothing at all.”

3. DemKota Changes Business Model, Name (Aberdeen, August 29): Following President Barack Obama’s executive order allowing the USDA inspections, the former Northern Beef Packers slaughterhouse in Aberdeen is finally at full production, with 600 employees processing 1,500 horses a day for meat. “Thanks to President Obama, we’ve finally found our niche,” said DemKota CEO Doug Cooper. These horses were all going to Canada and Mexico for slaughter; now we can make money off them right here in South Dakota.” The company, known as New Angus when it bought the bankrupt Northern Beef Packers, then renamed DemKota Ranch Beef, has again changed its name, now to Horse D’Oeuvres.

4. Regents Appoint Food Activist Pollan SDSU President (Brookings, May 26): In a surprise move, the South Dakota Board of Regents announced that journalist, author, and food activist Michael Pollan will take replace David Chicoine as president of South Dakota State University. “It’s time for a new direction for SDSU,” said Regents president Randy Schaefer of Madison. “We recognize that having a Monsanto board member lead our land-grant university created serious questions about the independence and legitimacy of research done by our ag scientists. Pollan’s background as a journalist and activist will help SDSU become a leader in promoting science for the good of the public.”

“I am honored to have this opportunity to bring a land-grant university back to its roots,” said Pollan. “I’m already having conversations with professors, producers, and local groups like Dakota Rural Action about how we can make SDSU the nation’s leader in sustainable agriculture.”

5. Krebs Recounts, Certifies Hawks Victory in U.S. House Race (Pierre, November 22): In a contentious recount that stretch into the wee hours of this morning, Secretary of State Shantel Krebs certified Democrat Paula Hawks as the winner of the election for South Dakota’s lone U.S. House seat. After initial returns indicated that Republican U.S. Rep. Kristi Noem had won the election by 200 votes, Indian voting rights advocates Four Directions discovered that Jackson County officials had neglected to count ballots from the early-voting satellite station in Wanblee. Adding those ballots to the totals gave Hawks an eight-vote margin over Noem.

6. Brennan Loses Lawsuit, Closes Badlands Pawn (Sioux Falls, November 10): Payday lending magnate and aspiring entertainment mogul Chuck Brennan lost his court battle with Sunny Radio owner John Small yesterday. The judge ruled Brennan had violated his contract with Small and ordered Brennan to pay all money due under the contract he signed with Small in 2015, plus damages. “What?!” Brennan screeched in an expletive-laden press conference at his nearly empty Badlands Pawn Shop. “You f—ers cap interest rates, and now this? F— Sioux Falls! F—South Dakota! I’m shutting this place down and getting out of this s— town! Morons!”

Sources say a deal is in the works for Brennan to cede his shuttered pawn shop to Minnehaha County in exchange for dropping charges related to a number of gun-sale and background-check violations. The county plans to turn the pawn shop into a jail annex.

7. Schism at SDGOP Convention (Aberdeen, June 26): Fighting words, fisticuffs, and flying pie marred the 2016 convention of the South Dakota Republican Party in Aberdeen this weekend. Tensions over Medicaid expansion, the Blue Ribbon K-12 teacher pay legislation, and Donald Trump erupted into open warfare when dissatisfied Republicans goaded by out-of-state blogger and provocateur Lee Stranahan attempted a convention coup against incumbent Public Utilities Commissioner Gary Hanson and nominated former GOP U.S. Senate candidate Annette Bosworth for that post. The Aberdeen Police Department, the Brown County Sheriff’s Department, the South Dakota Highway Patrol, and law enforcement called in from eight other communities needed two hours to clear the Ramkota convention center and haul over 400 delegates to an ad hoc booking and detention facility. Delegates nominated Hanson on a 250–120 vote, the first time any South Dakota convention has conducted business while under arrest.

“I thank my fellow inmates—er, delegates—for their support,” said a bruised and scraped Hanson. “As for Stranahan, that son of a bitch had it coming.”

The Stranahan-Bosworth-Hanson incident appears to be only one facet of larger division in the party. With Trump in contention for the Presidential nomination with Cruz, Christie, and Kasich, a number of mainstream Republicans are threatening to sit out the fall campaign. “I’ve worked too hard for this party and this state to let Donald Trump take it over,” said Rep. Lee Schoenbeck in an impassioned floor speech before the convention fracas erupted. “Trump’s a clown, and I won’t ride in his clown car.”

Mathew and Megan Wollmann, Paris, 2016.01.01
Mathew Wollmann’s last moment as a Republican, visiting Paris with his sister Megan. From @MathewWollmann, 2016.01.01.

8. Wollmann Switches Parties, Gives Democrats Heft in House (Madison, December 5): Rep. Mathew Wollmann (D-8/Madison) dropped a bombshell on his party today, announcing that he would caucus with Democrats in the State House. “My New Year’s visit to Paris really got me thinking about how we confront fear and violence as a community, by standing up for each other. The fearmongering and disarray in the Republican Party made me realize I’m in the wrong party.”

Democrats won eleven seats in the State House in November; Wollmann’s defection the day before Governor Dennis Daugaard’s budget address brings Democrat numbers in the House to 24, just over the one-third threshold necessary to block Republican spending measures and emergency bills and prevail on certain procedural votes.

9. Venhuizen Leaves Governor’s Office, Takes up Blogging (Pierre, November 28): Tony Venhuizen resigned his position as chief of staff to Governor Dennis Daugaard today. “It’s been a hard election year for all of us,” said a visibly weary Venhuizen. “Cruz, Thune, Noem, the State Senate—those losses were a stinging rebuke to a Republican Party that has lost its focus. I need to take some time away from politics to reconnect with my family and find my bearings.”

Immediately following the announcement of his resignation, Venhuizen posted on Dakota War College that he had bought that long-standing Republican blog’s domain name, revoked former blog administrator Pat Powers’s access, and taken over chief blogging duties. Insiders suggest that Venhuizen’s resignation and move to blogging signal an intent to distance himself from his party’s failure and position himself as a reformist outsider in the 2018 gubernatorial race.

10. Feds Revoke South Dakota EB-5 Status; Bollen Disappears (Aberdeen, February 14): A source in the Governor’s Office of Economic Development says the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services officially revoked South Dakota’s Regional Center status in the troubled EB-5 visa investment program on Friday. A letter from USCIS says South Dakota’s responses to the USCIS September 28, 2015, Notice of Intent to Terminate Regional Center status do not assuage the feds’ concerns that South Dakota is too corrupt to be trusted with EB-5.

In a Thursday hearing in the state’s lawsuit against former EB-5 manager Joop Bollen, attorney Jeff Sveen said he has been unable to compose responses due last week because he has not been able to communicate with his client. Bollen has not been seen in Aberdeen since January 15; a social media post from Bollen’s wife dated January 29 appeared to show the couple in Amsterdam.

*    *    *

What South Dakota stories are you hoping to read about in 2016? Submit your wishlist in the comment section, and if those stories happen, you’ll read about them here on Dakota Free Press!

64 Comments

  1. larry kurtz

    yo, cah: you’re smoking better weed than i am. text me the number of your grower: 605-484-7288.

  2. grudznick

    Good teachers get raises. Bad teachers continued whining cause heinous teacher’s union to fold.

  3. My writing is untouched by chemical influences (well, aside from the background contaminants of Big Ag filling the atmosphere of Brown County).

  4. larry kurtz

    tell us how yogurt is not a chemical influence, cah.

  5. leslie

    Regents denuded of cronies, now led by chair smith, and NSU admits it isn’t a financial infrastructure center.

  6. owen reitzel

    Rounds being led out of the United States Capitol in handcuffs.

    ALL teachers given a raise and SDEA gets the power for teachers to strike.

    Right to Work (for less) laws gone!!!

  7. John Tsitrian

    Aggrieved Ranchers/Militiamen declare Yeehawd on the federal government.

  8. Jon Holmdal

    Deadwood somehow keeps it’s historic designation!

  9. larry kurtz

    Democrats brought gaming to Deadwood but Republicans ruined its historic designation.

  10. mike from iowa

    South Dakota’s wingnut Goobernor begs Obama,hat in hand,for federal aid for recent tornadoes. After securing federal aid,the Goobernor reacts to Obama’s speech on gun control by tweeting-Come and take them. Oh,sorry. That was Texas Goobernor A-Butt that did all that.

    Good news for CC in Dakota. Texas new open carry law makes it easier for armed strangers to get inside Capitol because they by-pass metal detectors. Everyone else gets screened. What could possibly go wrong? Could wingnut Dakota be next?

  11. Owen, perhaps there will be a follow-up to my EB-5/Bollen story: the Amsterdam photo was a trick! Bollen and his wife and son have disappeared into the federal witness protection program. Bollen hands the FBI the keys to his property, and agents find five boxes of documents in Bollen’s storm shelter that make clear Rounds’s complicity in defrauding the Chinese investors.

  12. Porter Lansing

    It’s sometimes difficult to get the whole news story in right wing states.
    The Anti-USA protests in Oregon are in support of these two arsonists …
    ~Witnesses at trial, including a relative of the Hammonds, testified the arson occurred shortly after Steven Hammond and his hunting party illegally slaughtered several deer on BLM property. Jurors were told that Steven Hammond handed out ‘Strike Anywhere’ matches with instructions that they be lit and dropped on the ground because they were going to ‘light up the whole country on fire.’ One witness testified that he barely escaped the eight to ten foot high flames caused by the arson. The fire consumed 139 acres of public land and destroyed all evidence of the game violations. After committing the arson, Steven Hammond called the BLM office in Burns, Oregon and claimed the fire was started on Hammond property to burn off invasive species and had inadvertently burned onto public lands. Dwight and Steven Hammond told one of their relatives to keep his mouth shut and that nobody needed to know about the fire.

  13. Don Coyote

    Democratic National Committee Decertifies South Dakota Democratic Party due to Lack of Interest.

  14. DR

    I uh, don’t even know what to say here. Are you crazier than Kim Kardashian?

  15. There’s a fine line, DR, between craziness and hope.

    Don, if our leadership properly takes advantage of available opportunities, the DNC will be pointing to the SDDP as a model of success amidst adversity.

  16. moses

    Phil if your in I will donate.No photo ops or basketball games.

  17. mikeyc, that's me!

    Very entertaining, Cory.
    Well done.

  18. Phil Schreck

    I’m flattered Cory! If this does begin to happen you can expect a call…I would need a campaign director!

  19. mike from iowa

    EB-5,like Amsterdam, only needs one or two dikes to fail before the stuff hits the fan. Seawalls erode. Dikes don’t magically extend upwards as the waves get higher.Nerves fray. Guilty consciences gnaw on people. Maybe there is hope for 2016.

  20. Troy

    Phil,

    I’m not sure I would be flattered to be the subject of one of Cory’s fantasies. I’m afraid he’d have me with facial hair and on a bike until I’m so skinny nobody would recognize me.

  21. larry kurtz

    Zell has frozen over: Troy and i agree on something.

  22. Phil, I could do that job, or at least consult every now and then on how best to kick John Thune’s butt! It would be fun!

    Troy, I have no knowledge of your current weight or hair status. However, a bike ride does everyone good, and a beard will keep you warm. :-)

  23. moses

    Run Phil run.

  24. leslie

    ELSIE MEEKS FOR SENATE

  25. Troy

    CH,

    I want the record to show I own a bike.

  26. BIll DIthmer

    I dont see a single one of these things happening. The SDDP has been on life support for many years now by placing people on the ballot that only they like. You will never win in a red state like that.

    The only chance to rebuild the SDDP is to talk SHS to run for governor, and I dont see that from her anytime soon.

    The Blindman

  27. Troy, duly noted. Now, may the record show how often you ride it? :-)

    Bill, I can’t wait for 2018 for good news. And while I haven’t had any conversation to support this hypothesis, I will speculate that if we want SHS to give up the great life she has right now to put up with politics again, we need to plow the road with Democratic victories this year. SHS doesn’t make it happen for us; we make it happen for SHS.

  28. Bill Dithmer

    You cant fix what ailments SD has by pushing liberalism. If you haven’t noticed, the voters just arent ready for those extreme views yet. The only way a dem could get elected right now is by blue dogging it all the way. Until SDDP begins to understand that truth, the party wil just become more stagnant from their own ineptitude.

    Right now the SDDP is suffering from self inflicted “unreal expectations.” I know that isnt something any of you want to hear but it is why they are loosing voters. They lost me.

    As with all good people with good intentions that fail, the leadership hasnt done the three things they need to do to win.
    Educate
    Communicate
    Administrate

    It ain’t rocket science, but that seems to escape the minds at the top of the pile that has become SDDP.

    The Blindman

  29. mike from iowa

    Blue Dog your way back to SHS? I figured she was going to switch parties and become a wingnut by the way she voted in DC.

  30. Porter Lansing

    The South Dakota Republican Party is the embracing home of lazy thinkers. It’s much easier for their brains to dismiss new things and ideas as worthless than to oxygenate a few brain cells and think progressively. How about another try at a list of SoDak Republican accomplishments in the last 20 years? PS … saying NO isn’t an accomplishment. It’s regression.

  31. BIll DIthmer

    List of accomplishments.

    Total control!

    Isnt that enough?

    The Blindman

  32. Porter Lansing

    It’s ironic when right wing extremists bastardize the word liberty. Liberty is a derivative of liberal. Liberalism is about human liberty and its gradual progress over the last 500 years.

  33. Bill Fleming

    Heard an interesting analysis on NPR yesterday about Authoritarianism vs Egalitarianism as it relates to making quick decisions in a context of fear and panic. It has to do with how we learn as children to obey and trust authority. We don’t become egalitarian and democratic until we are older. Our fallback instinct is to do as we are told.

    To Porter’s point, then, it’s not that people are stupid or lazy, but rather are driven by propaganda into a heightened sense of urgent fear/paranoia by unscrupulous power mongers. In brief, if you want to take political control, scare the hell out of everybody and force them into making quick decisions.

    To Dithmer’s point, in the context of what I just wrote, his aspirations as to how to do good polics, while admirable, will always be “Trumped” by well honed and ubiquitously broadcast demagoguery. Spooky huh?

  34. Porter Lansing

    I never call anyone stupid. It’s usually apparent.

  35. Bill Fleming

    Not sure I’ve ever met a person to whom his/her stupidity was apparent, Porter. In my experience, those who are willing to admit to their stupidity aren’t really stupid. Kind of a Zen thing, maybe?

  36. mike from iowa

    Do Dakota voters take great pride in being last in teacher pay and on top being one of the most corrupt states? Are they just not paying any attention and voting R for the halibut? Is this called blind faith in leadership? How about being called the Mississippi of the North?

  37. Porter Lansing

    Stupid isn’t a word I feel comfortable using. What is the clinical definition of stupid? Or is it a word only used to denigrate?

  38. Bill Dithmer, I acknowledge that a vocally liberal SDDP has a steep climb toward making stories 2, 5, 8, and 9 on my list come true this year. I contend that an apologetically blue dog Republican-lite SDDP has no chance of making that climb. We can communicate the message that our liberalism is really common sense on issues like those Mike just listed (corruption! teacher pay! Dems want to pay teachers; Pubs want to pay cronies!), communicate to South Dakotans that they don’t need to bark at the fear-whistles the SDGOP is blowing, and administrate targeted voter outreach and in-pull.

    Tell me the unreal expectations I’m laying on you, Bill D. My only “expectation” (hope? goal that I will work to earn from you?) is that you’ll come to the polls, vote for us Dems, and put us to work righting the ship of state.

  39. BIll DIthmer

    Cory, then its time to educate

    The Blindman

  40. Bill Fleming

    stupid = lacking intelligence or common sense. It’s a word used to discribe a person’s mental (usually rational) competence and facility, as distinct from “ignorant” which denotes a simple lack of information, as opposed to the ability to comprehend the information’s meaning. i.e we can fix our ignorance… our stupidness, we just have to live with and hopefully find a workaround. Neither word is “clinical” as far as I know. :-)

    They’re just words, Porter. As a fellow writer, I invite you to feel comfortable using any of them (unless you course you’re aspiring to some type of scientific/medical profession, in which case, your question is beyond my pay grade.)

  41. BIll DIthmer

    Yup Cory, you expect to put a person in the big chair in Pierre, or one of the offices in DC with a D in front of their names. That wont happen tbe way your doing it.

    The Blindman

  42. mike from iowa

    I have heard wingnuts pitch words like ignorant and stoopid at Liberal Rhodes Scholars,as if they think being educated is a bad thing. Jimmy Carter was a nukular scientist,Obama -a constitutional scholar and former lawyer.

    Dubya has an MBA from Harvard,but he has/had no clue how business works and he apparently doesn’t understand economics. But,then without Dad’s help,dumbass dubya never would have been accepted into either Ivy League School he attended.

  43. Porter Lansing

    I immediately have a negative impression of anyone that uses the word stupid to describe a person, action or event. It’s a lazy description that lacks depth.

  44. Bill Fleming

    Well, on the other hand, you don’t seem to have any problem using the word “lazy” Porter. Do you have a “clinical” definition of that one? Or are you just jerkin’ my chain over here? ;-)

  45. larry kurtz

    what a stupid tangent.

  46. Bill Fleming

    Agreed, Larry. Probably because no one was really interested in exploring the authoritarian v. egalitarian hypothesis. Oh well. We can lead the horses to water… :-)

  47. Lynn

    I’ll agree with Bill Dithmer on this. SD Secretary of State just reported today that registered Democrats shrunk by another 2,053 this past month bringing it down to 167,272. There should be a countdown ticker somewhere showing how many SD Democrats are leaving on a daily basis. Doubt that SD Dem registered voter countdown ticker will ever get to zero but it’s only going to get worse. Much worse!

  48. Bill Dithmer

    BF, I’m not sure but I think I remember some of what your talking about.

    “egalitarian hypothesis” was a way to justify the differences between the gestamating within egalitarianism. Those that think there are differences in groups of people, and those that think there aren’t. Isnt there something about one of those groups being more accurate in their perceived differences in the groups of people.

    “Authoritarianism” would be the people that wont admit to differences, because of an emotionally driven agenda.

    Its been a long long time since I’ve even seen those terms.

    The Blindman

  49. Porter Lansing

    Sure, Bill
    Lazy is a comment on effort. Who has the authority to determine who is stupid? Does it mean stupider than me? Because that’s the only reference point anyone has with validity. Are you stupid because you score below a certain point on an ACT test? You’re not stupid because you refuse to try. That makes you lazy. Stupid is a blanket term with no real valid description.

  50. Porter Lansing

    Furthermore, you can’t call a person lazy. You can call their actions lazy. Just as a person can’t be illegal. They can do an illegal thing or a lazy thing but that person can’t be either. Stupid refers to the person and not the persons actions. I don’t feel I have the right to make that determination on another human.

  51. larry kurtz

    Are cows stupid or are they dancers?

  52. Bill Fleming

    What a bunch of argle bargle, Porter. Sorry, but actions aren’t lazy. People who don’t act when action is necessary are lazy. Saying actions are lazy is a stupid thing to say, man. There, see how easy that was? Use the words as they are meant to be used, Porter. Simple, mon.

  53. Porter Lansing

    Excuse me, Fleming but did I give the impression I was telling you what to do? I was taught not to call people stupid and I have a negative impression of those who do. Make your last response and this thread can return to it’s subject.

  54. Bill Fleming

    11:53 above Porter writes: ‘The South Dakota Republican Party is the embracing home of lazy thinkers.’ Then at 20:42 he writes, ‘…you can’t call a person lazy.’ Sorry, Porter, but it’s hard to argue a semantic point with you when you’re so busy arguing it with yourself. ;-)

  55. Dithmer: “time to educate”? What do you think I’m doing here?

    Seriously, if there’s something else I can do to make those big-chair victories happen, let me know. But understand that I cannot accept blue-dog right-tacking as victory. That’s surrender, which interests me not.

  56. Les

    ;)

  57. Bill Dithmer

    Of course your trying to educate Cory, but the majority of the voters in SD dont want to hear what you are saying, the way you are saying it. It doesnt mean that what your saying is wrong, it means they want it explained in a different way.

    Once years ago we were working cows up on the Berry ranch. We set a portable corral up on a hillside to the north end of the M7. We started working heifers out of about 600 head of cattle. Those cows just wouldnt do what we wanted them to do. We gave up on that arrangement and moved some panels, then we went ahead and worked cows the right way.

    Yes Larry, cows are stupid. The only way you can work a big herd is to make the cows think it was their idea to go where you wanted them to go in the first place.

    But then again every warm blooded animal acts the same way when they are growing and learning, including humans. If you can make them think its their idea the rest is easy. Thats the way political races are won.

    Oh ya, that dancing. Thats what you and the cows end up doing when you try to force them to “do it your way.”

    The Blindman

  58. Lynn

    ” Democratic National Committee Decertifies South Dakota Democratic Party due to Lack of Interest.”

    Don Coyote,

    At what point would the DNC decide to finally divert resources elsewhere where they could see a return on their investment? The SDDP has been in bad shape for years and is taking a nosedive especially with it now taking a hard left here, virtually no support system in place, financially poor and losing registered voters in conservative South Dakota. Would the DNC stop financially supporting the SDDP until they see that # 1 the SDDP is financially self sustainable and certain metrics in gains?

  59. mike from iowa

    When I eliminate work-I’m efficient.
    When others eliminate work-they are lazy.

  60. Lynn

    Porter Who Resides in Colorado,

    Would you please continue to enlighten us regarding the nuances in the meaning and uses of the words lazy and stupid and how it relates to this posting? Simply fascinating!

  61. Porter Lansing

    You posted at 4:38 am, Lynn from Plankinton? You’re a sad and troubled person. No I won’t because you’re just too darn dark to be anywhere near the light.
    Tell us about “doctor shopping”, Lynn. It’s hard to keep from getting caught in SoDak, huh?

  62. mike from iowa

    Next time I see a herd of cows on the ballot,I’ll be sure to vote for them. Can’t be any worse than “Cantaloupe Calves” King and probably smell better when grilled.

Comments are closed.