With Judge Roberto Lange’s approval, the South Dakota Department of Revenue has whipped up a new policy on vanity plates to settle the American Civil Liberties Union’s lawsuit over past plate oppressions. Demurring from the opportunity to reject plates without reason created by the ACLU’s apparently incautious proposed language, the Department has decided to trade its sense of taste and decency to Merriam Webster’s:
Personalized license plates may not contain any of the following:
- No special characters (such as #, $, &, @, etc.) may be used.
- $D$U#1
- FUN@MV
- No combination of letters and/or numbers that conflict with or is a duplicate of another South Dakota license plate or plate series.
- Go to www.sdcars.org to “CK A PL8” to check the availability of specific plate options
- No combination of letters and/or numbers that could be misinterpreted or is confusing from a readability standpoint for law enforcement purposes.
- e.g.: 88B88B
- No combination of letters and/or numbers that mimic or pretend to represent any law enforcement agency or emergency service provider.
- e.g.: SDHP 1; FBI 2; RCPD 3
- No vulgar or swear words as defined in Merriam-Websters online dictionary as vulgar, profane, offensive, or having a sexual connotation [South Dakota Department of Revenue, Motor Vehicle Division, Policy #MV118: Personalized Plates, amended 2023.12.12].
I see a couple of problems with the new dictionary clause. Revenue says it will eschew the statutory “offensive to good taste and decency” standard that the ACLU argued violates the First Amendment. Yet it now invokes the standard of offense to good taste and decency identified by the good folks at a 180-year-old Massachusetts company. The ACLU expressed concerns that the state was applying the taste and decency standard subjectively, so I suppose turning to the dictionary-certified offenses is less subjective than the Department’s perceived but undocumented offense. But the Department is now just teeing up the dictionary to justify rejecting proposed vanity plates for the same reason of taste and decency that the ACLU wanted the state to sever from statute. the new policy doesn’t even get rid of “connotations”, which the settlement deemed problematic. It appears the settlement wasn’t about getting rid of taste and decency standards; it was just about narrowing them from everything Revenue officials might find offensive to only the subset of seven-character cracks that one specific dictionary agrees are offensive.
But then we hit problem #2: when Revenue says a proposed plate has to be flagged as offensive by Merriam-Webster to be disqualified, it appears to be referring only to exact character combinations. The amended policy doesn’t say anything about phonetic spelling, abbreviations, or other language tricks. So what about the offensive alternatives I proposed in my Tuesday post on this topic: “SUKDIK” and “FUKNOEM” (both still available, according to SDCars.org)? Neither term appears in Merriam-Webster online, so those plates are good to go, right? And if Revenue balks, ACLU will send lawyers to make sure I get ’em, right?
And what about straight-up hate speech? “BANFAGS” is out, because M-W recognizes fag as offensive, but “NO LGBT” would pass dictionarial muster. So would “KILJEWS” or “BOMBREZ”. The Secretary of Revenue was free to put the kibosh on such vile messages on the state’s space on our cars under the old policy, out of simple concern for good taste. Now haters of any stripe (who will come up with more devious plate combos than I care to imagine this morning) will be able to smirkingly propose their filth for our highway eyes knowing the Secretary’s hands are tied by the dictionary.
In another gray area, what if a driver attempts to stake a claim for inclusivity with a plate that says, “IM GAY”, “GAY 1”, “YAY GAY”, “GAYPLUS”, “SAY GAY”… (come on, team, help me out!). M-W says gay is “sometimes disparaging + offensive.” Is Revenue supposed to question the applicant about intent and discern queer allyship from redneck-wiseguyery, or are our good bureaucrats to stick with the literal text reject a license plate that contains a word that sometimes offends?
Legislators may read this new dictionary naughtiness determiner for license plates and see all the more reason to get rid of the whole vanity plate racket, charge everybody a buck more for uniform plates, and blame the ACLU for the rate hike.
Related Saturday Idling: I check some barnyard options on SDCars.org and learn…
- Not available: TURKEY, CHICKEN, DUCK, GOOSE, HEIFER, HOG, PIGLET, GOAT, LAMB, LLAMA, FARMER
- Available: CHICK, BULL, COW, PIG, SHEEP, HAYSTAK, TRACTOR, RANCHER, CHORES, BACK40, POOP (informal, says M-W, but not vulgar!)
Looks like GOTGOAT is available.
Reserve for grudznick.
Mr. H can have his *UK plates all to hisownself, as we know where his mind is.
I thought up one for my plates, but I’ll keep it to myself because you and most of your readers wouldn’t like it.
You’re welcome!
And no vanity plates issued by the SDDoR works for me. We already have the Pandora Papers (Capers?); let’s not open up the Pandora Plates as well.
I’m leaning toward I’m Lost.
Mowry’s would read, TRMPANZ
Just think, if you owned a Land Patent to 640 acres of land, and the held all parts to title – Patent, Deed, and Title, you would have your own Sovereign Territory aka ZITTERICH FAMILY HOMESTEAD. Place that in a Land Trust, then a Real Property Trust, and all Vehicles and Buildings held by the Territory, you would NOT be required to have a license Plate, cause the “state” would NOT be the interested party, nor owner of the property. You cuold register whatever plate you wanted to yourself.
Back in the dark ages under the rule of Janklow the Terrible, the afore-named governor of the State of South Dakota of the United Gilead Democratic Republic of Free Sub-Republics testified in a legislative committee hearing. Among his remarks were a recounting of stopping to help some folks in distress on the highway wherein he revealed that he launched barefoot and in shorts from his substantial vehicle. He made a point of saying that he knew driving while barefoot is an offense against the dignity of SoDakians, but, he said, “I’ll drive barefoot when I want.”
That, unfortunately, is about the size of Janklow’s constructive influence. His regime was marked by an intent to punish more people for disobeying the laws with which he agreed. There is room for argument even on that point. I have reason to believe Janklow smoked weed at the Black Forest Inn with the daughter of a former US Senator back in about ’95.
Some refer to the Janklow years as the good old days. I don’t. No governor since Janklow has provided a reason to hail their regime as the good new days. Janklow’s years can not be celebrated for anything except a period of favors from the governor. Noem, for all her incompetence and tone-deafness, gives shorter speeches than Janklow did. That, and that alone, keeps her off the top of my list of “Worst-Ever SoDak Governors.” She’s an easy #2, though.
L. Kurtz, That was a good one; never want to miss the humorous side where I can find one, and that one worked for me. Enjoy your evening!
My next vanity tag will be ZITSTATE. I’ll pay for the extra digit.
I wonder if I can get ASSMAN on a plate now?
Mr. Zitterich, as long as you don’t attempt to put your ideas of sovereignity into action you will be treated as just another crazy goober sitting at the end of the bar. If you take action and refuse to pay taxes of any type you can expect to explain yourself in the inside of a court room.
I’m told one can still smoke the Demon Weed at the Black Forest Inn, Mr. Newland.
Dave, “ASSMAN” is not listed in Merriam-Webster, so yes, you should be able to order that plate without problem.
Mr. Zitterich, your fantasies cloud your ability to have normal conversations about actual policy.
Nick Nemic, I am currently lobbying the Legisature to adopt a resolution to have the Executive Board of the Legislature to create a task force to discuss the possibility of adopting a LIST OF RESOLVES of which will hold the government accountable, and to which will ask the legislature to adopt a Declaration to which will dissolve the Federal Union, while maintain the fact, that South Dakota will remain a part of the Confederacy of Member-States as agreed to in 1777 acting as one of the Sovereign Republics Making up the United States of America. The intent and plan is to shutdown the 1871 Corporate United States which was established between 1860 to 1880, and to return back to the Original Foundation the Founding Fathers intended, the government put in place during the years 1791 to 1859, which of course removes all Unconstitutional Laws, Repeals all Amendmetns that conflict with the Declaration, The Articles, and the Compact Made Between the States.
I will NOT surrender, nor will I will never back down to You Democrats.
Cory, I speak to many people across the State and I am not alone. I will die, to protect the Sovereignty of ALL Citizens of the State. IF DONALD TRUMP is willing to take hits from the corrupted government, so am I.
Mikey Lee, I am sure many would pay to watch your martyrdom, should you be so kind as to print a press release as to time and place.
By the way, you seem to believe that one must be a Democrat to disagree with you. I know for a fact you are wrong about that.
Every minor bump drumpf gets from the legal process he whines and cries like an infant. Zit will emulate every mew and sob/sniffle and make them his own.
Right wing magat character assassins claim they have identified Senator Ben Cardin’s aide as having been filmed in senate area having gay sex. Another magat claims drumpf trial judge has sent nude photos of himself to an alleged high school alumnus newspaper. Typical magat desperation power plays we have seen over and over again through the years.
Remember, Zit, all these gays and LGBT people you profess to hate were all made by the lord and saviour you profess to love and follow, not drumpf. The holier gawd.
Mr. Z–your list of resolves will put South Dakota in revolt against the federal government of the United States….Civil War…and for what???? Get Help.
Mr. Zitterich, grudznick’s good friend Bob is righter-than-right on many issues. grudznick would pay to watch you hold a meeting on the ‘tubes or go hang with the lobbists who seek to reform the constitutions and the legislatures. I would be honored to join you and Bob in Pierre should you follow up on this fantasy. I’ll need a ride from Bob, of course, but even if it’s only on the teevee you would be a huge entertainment hit, Mr. Zitterich.
Who is your senator, Mr. Z, and will they bring your law-bill? You can get the *cough* precincts *cough* to put a little pressure on them. Precincts are a joke, you know. Everybody looks at the precinct structure and laughs.
The Zit is himself a special character and cannot as such be on a license plate. 😇
“LAR” and “MR H” are taken.
But “NEWLAND” is oddly available, although I myownself might reserve it in the morn. Probably a huge target for The Man.
The only thing he’d actually die for is a bag of funyuns. Gravy SEAL wannabe tough guys are comical.
So, naughty words in Spanish, French, German – all fair game then? Maybe will apply for one with a “pet name” my Low German speaking Grandmother had for me as a child.
What the hell is a “Gravy SEAL??????”
That’s terrifying, like telling me there are Tater Trouts that live in skin-on savory mashed potatoes, with creamed cheese, butter, and garlic. When you add Gravy Seals, vivid and visceral, the nightmares grudznick shall endure this night may claw at the edges of sanerism, leaving an indelible mark of horror upon my waking mind, leaving a haunting kaleidoscope of terror.
Gravy SEAL = role players who didnt have the gumption/temerity to actually join the service and subsequently start arming themselves with tacticool equipment and discuss their willingness to take down the government. Typified by lonely, overweight middle aged men. Basically, Mike Zitterich and John Dale.