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Her Cold Dead Voice: Kristi Noem Not “Savage”, Just Boring

Kristi Noem, Twitter clip for National Rifle Association, 2021.05.16.
Coming to a 2024 campaign poster near you…

Kristi Noem is so boring, she can’t even make Charlton Heston’s gun cry sound exciting:

Yeah, I’m the rest of America, and I’m taking notes:

  1. The NRA labels this little Twitter clip, “Kristi Noem Has SAVAGE Message for Joe Biden and Gun Grabbers.” Is “savage” really an admirable term for gubernatorial pronouncements? We’re talking public policy, not TV wrestling.
  2. I could point out the offense our Lakota neighbors may take at the use of a term fraught with cultural baggage and used to dehumanize the victims of Euro-imperialism, but Team Noem/Lewandowski would say, “What? Provoke liberals on guns and Indians in one shot? Yeehaw! Order more posters!”
  3. Even if we shut our eyes to history (and we’re good at that here in Noemistan) and view savage purely denotatively, the Governor expresses not one drop of untamed ferocity. If you didn’t know English and could only understand tone and body language, you could just as easily assume that the Governor is saying, “To paraphrase Liza Clark, commissioner of the Bureau of Finance and Management, South Dakota’s state sales rate is 4.5%.”
  4. Kristi’s cold dead voice matches her cold dead stage: no flags, no distinctive outfit, not even a flintlock rifle or 12-gauge shotgun gripped in her steely arms to drive home her point. The aging Charlton Heston knew the value of a good prop to make a lasting rhetorical impression. Even Michael Moore recognized that Heston’s flintlock grandstand was great cinema. But Kristi can’t liven up eight seconds of video with a boomstick from her broom closet. The gun she’s daring Joe Biden to take from her hands is as imaginary as the notion that Joe Biden wants to take any of her guns.
  5. But if Kristi really wants to play “savage”, then o.k., let’s play savage:

Corey Lewandowski, listen to me, and listen to Kristi: the gal you’re coaching can’t make the easiest conservative line sound like a war cry. She is not the fiery steed you want to ride to the White House in 2024. She’s just unalterably boring.


  1. Ryan 2021-05-18

    Boring and dumb as a post, yo.

  2. mike from iowa 2021-05-18

    Isn’t taking the polar opposite of her giving?

  3. Donald Pay 2021-05-18

    For some reason the song “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns’n Roses kept playing in my mind. as I ponder what’s wrong with Noem reading that passage without no savage:

    “Welcome to the jungle, we take it day by day
    If you want it, you’re gonna bleed, but it’s the price you pay
    And you’re a very sexy girl, it’s mighty hard to please
    You can taste the bright lights, but you won’t get there for free”

    Debasing herself and whoring herself out to a corrupt organization has to be demeaning and demoralizing. I wonder how much of that lackluster performance is the result of shame, or perhaps a whore’s first trick, though that wouldn’t be the case for Noem. When Axl Rose sings that lyric, you can feel the pain, but he’s willing to bleed for his chance in the bring lights.

  4. Arlo Blundt 2021-05-18

    Well…she definitely needed a “take 2″….c’mon, Corey bring in a drama coach. Can’t somebody say, “OK, Governor, lets try it a again, and this time take a deep breath before you start, and really hit the “Cold Dead Hands” part at the end…raise your fist as you say it, and really get it out there.” She just seems to go where she’s pointed.

  5. mike from iowa 2021-05-18

    My hands are always cold because I’m frigid.

  6. Mark Anderson 2021-05-18

    Why doesn’t she just remake Annie Oakley, it might be a hit.

  7. Don Porter 2021-05-18

    Since when do state governors shill for private bankrupt non-profits? Is this part of our governor’s job description? Was she paid? Did SD taxpayers fund the setup? Finally I am pretty sure Joe Biden does not give a damn whether she keeps her guns.

  8. RST Tribal Member 2021-05-18

    (of an animal or force of nature) fierce, violent, and uncontrolled.
    “packs of savage dogs roamed the streets”

    Yep pretty much describes the inbred 1 party in Pierre and Washington.

    We need to rid the state of those savages in November 2022. Feels good as a native person to say that about those unhinged crazy non-natives running a mock in South Dakota.

    Some got out on Jan 6 and showed up at the capitol in Washington.

  9. Jenny 2021-05-18

    Well to be fair Cory, since the media is altogether harder on women, Noem has probably been coached to not sound shrill and so she speaks in a serious voice for credibility. Yes, there is absolutely a double standard here. You dont want to sound too excited then the crazy woman label gets thrown on you. Marjorie Taylor Greene has already been the GOPs worst nightmare this so Noem needs to tread carefully. Cool calm and collected seems to work for Noem.

  10. Porter Lansing 2021-05-18

    That’s one funny video. John Lennon on flat top, Mahatma Gandhi on shaker, and Honest Abe on string bass.
    Thanks, Cory 👍🏻

  11. Ben Cerwinske 2021-05-19

    Jenny makes a good point. When it comes to Noem, it’s best to stick to policy. Criticizing her looks, tone, etc. is just low hanging fruit at best.

  12. mike from iowa 2021-05-19

    Apparently a bunch of people here missed the memos about being at war with unhinged, divorced from reality magats who don’t care when they attack people’s looks, skin color, children and everything else they can disparage.

    Noem, and any other magat female, who chooses to live in la la land have sacrificed any rights to favored treatment because of their sex. .Noem is not a, or even the, victim here.

  13. Ben Cerwinske 2021-05-19

    I did get the memo Mike. Your weak “arguments” about non-substantive issues persuade whom?

  14. mike from iowa 2021-05-19

    Mr Cerwinske is certainly entitled to his? own opinion(s), weak as they may be.

  15. Ben Cerwinske 2021-05-19

    You didn’t answer my question Mike. Some people can gradually be persuaded. Are they going to be persuaded by comments about someone’s looks/tone/whatever or by substantive issues that actually have an effect on their lives?

  16. mike from iowa 2021-05-19

    Your side has not persuaded magats to change anything. Being civil towards them is a sign of weakness and gives them the greenlight to attack. How do you persuade people the Jan 6th insurrection was an attack on our Country when they have banded together to call the vicious cowards mere tourists, and Noem is among that bunch?.

  17. Dicta 2021-05-19

    I was a registered republican most of my adult life and believe 1. The election was not stolen; and 2. January 6th was treason, driven by an egomaniacal, insecure old man who can’t accept his own failings. There are plenty of us out there, if you care to look. I know sanctimonious snark is fun, but I question its efficacy, particularly when that snark descends into sexist commentary on the governor’s appearance and not her trash policies.

  18. Ben Cerwinske 2021-05-19

    Nice strawman Mike. While you might be surprised as to who can be persuaded, I wasn’t really referring to “magats”, but those who are more moderate, may not follow politics too closely, but nonetheless see people like yourself confuse snide and sanctimonious snarky comments with strength. Dicta is correct.

  19. mike from iowa 2021-05-19

    Oh, brother. 2 sanctimonious and snarky police in one comment. Be pink unicorns flying around any moment now.

  20. Dicta 2021-05-19

    Just keep mocking her for her physical appearance while unironically claiming to be a progressive, Mike. It’s easier to talk about principles than live up to them, I guess.

    Just remember everyone: when critiquing women, make sure you don’t forget a dig about their looks!

  21. Mark Anderson 2021-05-19

    Well Mr. Cerwinske, snide, sanctimonious and snarkey does describe the lying loser 45 pretty well. As far as persuading people we will see how Joe Manchin comes along with that one.

  22. Ben Cerwinske 2021-05-19

    Mark, if you want to be like the last president, that is your prerogative. As for Joe Manchin, you brought him into this conversation, not me.

  23. mike from iowa 2021-05-19

    I don’t recall claiming to be a progressive? i doubt that I have mocked her appearance more than once. Get over your bad selves, dudes.

  24. Dicta 2021-05-19

    Or maybe you should just do better, bud. Also, I think your hair is ugly, since that seems to be what passes as reasonable critique in Iowa.

  25. Ben Cerwinske 2021-05-19

    The last thing I’ll say in this thread is this: If the last president, or the current governor, influenced my behavior negatively, I’d be embarrased.

  26. mike from iowa 2021-05-19

    Okay, Hardy Boy lads, can you point to a single time I made a direct comment on Noem’s looks? I’d wait, but life isn’t infinite for us in our late sixties. A single comment that I could be hung for?

    You’d be better served clearing the R-rated garbage in Pierre.

  27. grudznick 2021-05-19

    Oh, Mr. mike, you are from the sad state of Iowa which leads to your forgetfulness. grudznick’s steel trap of a mind recalls dozens of such comments made by a fellow named mike, who was also from Iowa. Perhaps a different fellow. Perhaps not.

  28. mike from iowa 2021-05-19

    Grudzilla, your head is empty, but your eyes are a certain brown color.

  29. leslie 2021-05-19

    When will Dusty and Thune threaten Biden to come take their (son’s) guns, too? Kristi, deliberating at her hand of cards, is like Trump considering risks of running in 2015… likely thinking May 2021 would be a long way off…well the chicken has come home to roost.

    “The Senate may be split 50-50, but the Democratic half represents 41,549,808 more people than the Republican half.”

    Perhaps SD’s subsiding Democratic Party registrations are more or less symptomatic of this fact?

    Random question: why did Black Hawk residential neighborhoods “subside” into gypsum mine tunnels, just now? Maybe: “Climate crisis to put millions of British homes at risk of subsiding”. Guardian

    Maybe liability for Meade County’s failure to deny residential development over the old mines, is similarly buttressed:
    Enviros sue feds over W. Va ‘insolvent’ mine reclamation program”

    Those damn enviros, protecting Jane/John Doe Republican SD voters’ homes, eh?

  30. leslie 2021-05-19

    Ohferchrissakes didcat, a 50s governor that knows only about eye shadow and exercising (today) is incompetent. Other days she challenges octogenarian Fauci MD on science and thinks GA senators are communists. Take your right leaning apologies elsewhere or be criticized. There isn’t a progressive definition.

  31. M 2021-05-20

    I’d like to see what you critics of Kristi’s appearance look like, especially you men. Do you hear women criticizing men as much as you rake on women? Women couldn’t call Trump a fat, despicable, repulsive pig without fear, or even laugh at his hair without receiving death threats. But call a woman the same and everyone jumps on board. Double standards and sexism exist everywhere, especially in backwards South Dakota.

    If we’re going to rail on people, let’s be fair and consistent.

  32. V 2021-05-20

    Thank you for sharing this video of Noem. Most ladies in my prayer group were so upset with this short but shocking world view from a “Christian” politician. I guess she wants to be buried with her gun.

  33. Porter Lansing 2021-05-20

    The Big Liar is a fat, despicable, repulsive pig … with ridiculous hair.

    Fully agree with your comments, M.

    Making disparaging comments about Governor Noem’s appearance is unnecessary. It’s like making fun of the Vikings for being purple.

  34. mike from iowa 2021-05-20

    M, I have a 300 BMI (as reported before), am around 6 feet tall and have had whiskers for nearly 50 years. But, I have never claimed to be pretty, just as I have never claimed to be educated other than HS diploma. I also am not a politician or a public figure. I also doubt I have directly commented on Noem’s looks except to say, imho, she is not all that.

    I am guilty of stating over and over, people like Noerm that claim kristian faith and then ignore yer gawd’s teachings aren’t kristians at all. drumpf is a really good example. I don’t know how to explain all those alleged kristians that support drumpf and Noem.

    I am pretty hobbled up and can’t/won’t run. So let the broadsides begin. Fire at mfi.

  35. Mark Anderson 2021-05-20

    Ben, unless you fight fire with fire, you will lose. McGovern took the high road, the low usually wins. Biden has done well taking the ignore road but that will run out too.

  36. mike from iowa 2021-06-15

    Masochristy wants to resubmit fireworks request because she likes being bludgeoned with noes.

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