In this weekend’s religion laugh, Jesus is apparently sending a gold-headed, silver-bodied robot wearing a mini-skirt and a snowflake necklace to save me from a smoky fireball:
My friend Kallis points me down the rabbit hole of Christian historicism, the notion that we can read Daniel’s interpretation of Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar’s wacky dream as accurate prediction of world history and cause thus to throw a few coins in the next circuit rider’s plate lest we get whacked by meteors, indigestion, and whatever other torments await the unfaithful. Here, let Dustin explain it:
That’s eleven more minutes of hogwash than I needed. But if you want to prove your eschatological mettle, you can go listen to Donavon Kack talk about the end of the world for four straight nights, with special guests Jesus and his traveling circus:
Yes, Jesus presents a lion with wings, a three-headed leopard with wings, and Spikey the Sea Monster. (The bear looks torqued that no one told him this apocalypse was a costume party.)
Two things on this invitation:
First, I challenge any faithful reader out here to tell me how anything in the Book of Daniel or Revelation has practical, down-to-earth application.
Second, who is the “we” excitedly welcoming this seminar to “our” area? Are we to assume the “we” is the local chapter of Kack’s Adventist Dakota Conference? Nothing on the flyer identifies any local sponsoring organization. The postal permit lists Seminars Unlimited, a Texas outfit, as the sender. Christians wouldn’t lie, claiming to have a local base of welcomers sending this flyer when it’s really from out-of-staters trying to influence our religion. But good local Christians wouldn’t hide behind anonymity, either—“Fear not!” sayeth the Lord, so why be afraid to tell us who’s bringing the cookies and Kool-Aid to the revival tent?
Four nights—an entire weekend and then some, filled with this foolishness. Why, neighbors, why would you give your time and energy to such fruitless fakery? Why not just stay home and binge watch The Office for a couple hours each night, or old Craig Ferguson clips? You can at least laugh at that.
There—that’s all the religion and mythical creatures any sensible person needs on a Saturday. Don’t wait for the Jesus circus or some great smoking stone from the heavens so you can cry piety, “I told you so!” Just go forth and do good… or have a beer. Either will profit you more than false prophets passing the plate.
Neal Tapio’s “Preacher Pops” used to put on these tent revivals through his Old Apostolic Lutheran Church in Watertown. #CultLikeBehavior
I really miss Craig Ferguson…
Yeah, I thought Ferguson was really funny.
Fundamentalists/evangelicals/conservatives/ literalists will never stop trying to prove that the bible is a history book in disguise. It’s not necessary to the faith, but I guess if it makes them feel better . . .
As long as they don’t insist that everyone else must agree with them, or pretend to.
Ferguson was hilarious because he constantly deconstructed—or just plain made fun of—his own genre (not to mention his gender? himself?). The problem with Kack’s presentations is that he and his audience will take their shows all too seriously.
My personal favorite was Harold Camping who broadcast possibly the unintentionally funniest religious show I ever heard called Family Radio. Someone would call in with a follow up question and if the question was difficult Camping would interrupt the caller and immediately shut him or her down by saying only one question a month was permitted.
Camping made several predictions about the second coming of Christ and end of the world. I started listening in about 2009 when he constantly was predicting the end would come after Christ returned on May 21, 2011. Nothing happened on the May due date and shortly afterwards Camping suffered a stroke and died a few months later. It was a great loss for fans of crazy Christian radio that nearly equaled the religious humor of Monty Python.
Crazy stuff, Bearcreekbat.
Am I being too closed-minded if I dismiss any sect that bases its hosannas on interpretations of ancient dreams and fortune-telling? I mean, I’m willing to discuss what Jesus had to say about practical daily moral living: how to treat each other, how to interact with the state, how to deal with our fallibility and mortality. But do I have any obligation to take seriously anyone who says his scriptures predict the future… who who shows me a picture of Jesus bringing dragons?
Is this show coming to Rapid City at some point, or only to convert the Aberdeenites with cultism? grudznick does enjoy overgodding cults. And where are these radio shows to which some of you listen? They sound astoundingly fun.
Grudz, it looks like Kack is part of a larger network that has brought shows like this to Rapid and Spearfish. Maybe you’ll get another chance to attend.