“Have you checked under your hood lately?”
—Dan Lederman, SDGOP chair
* * *
In these “unprecedented”, “truly challenging” times, we all need a good laugh. Enter the South Dakota Republican Party with its pre-convention newsletter:
National Committeeman Ried Holien opens with this historical whopper: “Our Republic is under attack like never before.” Not from the Japanese, or the Nazis, or the Soviets, or al-Qaeda, or Putin’s FSB, or China’s Communist Party, or climate change, or pandemic, or any external force past or present that really could destroy our antion—no, the unprecedented attackers of Our Republic (which for Holien stands exclusively for Trump and his supporters) are “Liberal Democrats” and “their allies in the mainstream media.”
Holien: “Also take solace knowing that we have the ultimate fighter representing us in the White House.” These guys really think they elected Jean-Claude Van Damme.
National Committeewoman Sandye Kading chimes in: “There is not another leader that could have matched President Trump’s strong leadership in navigating these troubled waters.” Sandye, my poorly trained dog could provide better leadership… and he’s afraid of small waves on lake water.
Kading: “The RNC is moving full speed ahead planning an in-person, energetic, five-star National Convention while maintaining safety.” I think they’re down to two stars, now that the RNC has voted unanimously to cut delegates in attendance in Charlotte from around 2,500 to 336. And Trump won’t even be speaking there.
Public Utilities Commissioner Gary Hanson doesn’t say one single stupid Trumpy thing. But he does say, “Many hundreds of new cell towers have been erected.” Unregenerate middle schoolers everywhere, join me in a round of giggles for erected in campaign literature.
From under her ridiculous “Women for Trump” hat, Senator Jessica Castleberry (R-35/Rapid City) says, “Campaigning in the Fall as the Republican candidate I’m looking forward to addressing several important issues such as the economy, workforce development, future stability for our state, protecting the Constitutional rights of all citizens and setting our focus back on what will benefit all South Dakotans instead of frivolous, unconstitutional bills.” In other words, the opposite of what her Republican majority has been doing in Pierre for two decades.
Senate Majority Leader and public drunk Kris Langer (R-25/Dell Rapids) praises the eleven GOP women running their first campaigns for Legislature, calling them “Insightful, professional, and ready to tackle all that is required of a lawmaker”—in other words, everything she was not when she showed up schnockered at the Capitol for the last hours of Veto Day.
Public Utilities Commissioner Kristie Fiegen also praises the women’s field: “Diversity in policy-making brings multiple perspectives to the process. Numerous viewpoints and backgrounds ensure each citizen of our state has a voice at the table…. Whether the diversity is gender, education, racial, vocation, location, age, group, or party, we are able to bring, together unique skills and a broad knowledge base to be able to work together for South Dakotans’ best interests.” Republicans value diversity. Har de har har.
Senator Marion Michael Rounds flings some cow chips farmward: “We passed a Farm Bill that provides certainty and stability for farmers and ranchers.” The only certainty and stability farmers have left after tariffs and a failed trade deal comes from their Trump welfare checks.
Tune in for more comedy Saturday, June 20, when South Dakota Republicans meet online to regale us with more riotous absurdities
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
The Jean-Claude VanDamme reference reminds me of a true story from my adventurous life – which may be appropriate to relate in this context.
I worked briefly in the traffic and parking department at Universal Studios in Hollywood (Actually Studio City). One of my tasks was to take money for parking in a “toll booth” sort of location. One evening a silver Rolls Royce pulls up to my booth. The window goes down and I say – as trained – “Parking is $8.00 today sir.” and the driver says to me, “I am Jean-Claude Van Damme and I am here to see my trailer.” Sure enough – it WAS Jean-Claude Van Damme (and a blonde young woman).
Well, being trained to never let anyone just bluff their way in for free parking, I had also been trained to always request of any celebrity or employee either regular payment, OR a pass issued by a producer/director, someone – that allowed them to park free. The parking booths are monitored by video cameras so I knew I couldn’t just wave them on through without reprimand – not good for a probationary employee.
So, I next asked if he had such a pass. The response was – “No, I am here to see my trailer.” To which I responded, “Well sir, unless you have a pass, I have to charge you for parking and it’s $8.00.”
The following response astounded me – it was “But, I have no money.”, So, I said, “Okay sir, can you please pull over to the side just there and I will call my supervisor to see if he will let you in.”
But, I have no money – driving a silver rolls, blonde cutey on arm, accustomed to getting away with everything for nothing. Just completed a movie (assuming he was paid quite a nice sum). But, I have no money.
Yeah, he got in for free.
Ms. Geelsdottire, I think that comment deserved 6 or 7 smilie faces. Not just 5.
I really think they should not meet on the line with computers. Things get done better in person, face to face. We should put Messrs. Greenfield and Heinert on a stage with Messrs. Schoenbeck and that lady who replaced Mr. Monroe. We should give them microphones and big speakers and let them rail into the wind in a city park somewhere. In public. With cheese-flavored popcorn balls, some fountain soda and as few of Rapid City’s finest nearby as possible.
There is just so much there, but let’s start with Lederman. The “hood” we need to look under is his KKK hood to determine whether intelligent life is present.
Are these folks all members of the knuckle draggers union?
Yup. Lottery ticket holders.
Actually, I was thinking of 2 different hoods.
1. KKK
2. Hoodies that *everyone knows* only Black thugs wear. 😐
They live in an alternate reality unbeknownst even to themselves, one Madeleine Albright knows well.
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2018/jul/08/madeleine-albright-fascism-is-not-an-ideology-its-a-method-interview-fascism-a-warning
DaveFN, for more alternative reality, read Noem’s latest humdinger on authoritarianism. That quote, along with the above GOP newsletter, make me think that the reality of Trump has denied Republicans any factual basis for their election efforts, and that they must now base their campaigns on complete and ironically self-applicable fantasy statements. It’s as if they’ve been hauled into the principal’s office for bullying little kids, and their only remaining defense is to shout that the little kids are bullies.
Intelligent life in a world where the klan hood doubles as a dunce cap?
Debbo, hooded mergansers are not to be compared to thugs of any hood wearing color. All my sweatshirts have hoods and I wear then hood with pride when I mow.