William Joseph “B.J.” Olson grew up not knowing who his dad was (even though his mom says there were only two possible men, but a blood test ruled out one of them in 1979, when B.J. was born, and a 1997 blood test ruled out the other). Angst ensues:
…Olson set out to determine with DNA evidence which of the two men was his father. Both Jacobson and Davidson are now deceased. But Olson still wanted to know his roots.
“There was always this half of me that was missing,” Olson said [Angela Kennecke, “The Tale of Two Possible Fathers,” KELO-TV, 2019.04.12].
(Pause: I saw that headline and thought, “We’re not going to get any real news here, are we?”)
Olson got himself a box of Ancestry.com, got results, got on social media, and contacted the daughter of the man the test fingered. Litigation ensues:
“I explained the situation. I explained the Ancestry.com. And I made sure to let her know, I’m not after any money or anything; I just want to know who I am. And within 22 minutes, she had responded to me with legal documents from 1997 that excluded her dead father as being my father,” Olson said
Not only that, Ulrich has filed a lawsuit in Texas for invasion of privacy against Olson for making the claim the Jacobson is his dad. Her attorney tells KELOLAND Investigates that Olson’s actions amount to cyber stalking. She’s asking for up to $50,000 in damages. Olson says Ulrich is not the only Jacobson family member to deny him [Kennecke, 2019.04.12].
(Ah, a lawsuit for cyberstalking—I guess that’s news.)
Cyberstalking? Texas law says it’s harassment to “send[…] repeated electronic communications in a manner reasonably likely to harass, annoy, alarm, abuse, torment, embarrass, or offend another.” South Dakota law isn’t quite as broad; SDCL 49-31-31 says it’s a Class 1 misdemeanor to “To contact another person with intent to terrorize, intimidate, threaten, harass, or annoy such person,” but you have to do so “by using obscene or lewd language or by suggesting a lewd or lascivious act.” Under Texas law, Olson could say he sent just one message; under South Dakota law, he could argue he never used foul language. But now he’s got to go to court to make those arguments, just because he thought it would be somehow useful to his self-identity to contact a stranger and tell her that he’s kin, even though she has a legal/scientific document* stating the contrary.
So tell me what’s worse: the abstract sense that you’re somehow an incomplete person because you don’t know whose sperm contributed to your existence, or the concrete hole that’s about to open up in your bank account as you lawyer up to get an annoyed stranger off your back?
Having been adopted as an infant, in the good old days when adoptions were closed, there are things I do not know about my origins. Lacking that knowledge has not affected my daily life in any practical way. Gaining that knowledge would not improve my life in any practical way. And as this story suggests, intruding unannounced on the lives of strangers with whom your only connection is genetic material may only make your life worse.
*Kennecke tries to keep the mystery bubbling by noting that the 1997 blood test that ruled out the second man as Olson’s father took place at a Hunstville, Alabama, hospital which, “that same year… was the subject of a federal fraud investigation” and “doesn’t even exist anymore.” The fraud investigation at Columbia Medical Center appeared to stem from financial dealings, not medical malpractice, and thus appears not relevant to the reliability of the blood test. The hospital also appears to still exist; “Columbia Medical Center” appears to have become “Crestwood Medical Center” in a corporate spinoff in 1998–1999.
I’m starting to think Ancestry.com and it’s ilk should be outlawed. While I don’t think it does technically fit cyberstalking, what a lot of insane drama for a spit sample and $200. Plus the fact that anytime one of one’s family members takes a test it does give insights into one’s own DNA whether you are wanting to put it out there or not. Let sleeping (or dead) dogs lie…and focus on the family you know and create (and blood has little to do with that). Nevermind the cesspool of insanity its wreaking on tribal communities.
I, too, was adopted (closed) as an infant. I never sought out my birth parents, but through other circumstances, I became aware of who they both are (biological father passed away before I knew who he was.)
I think, because I was secure in my parents, that my mom and dad loved me, I didn’t feel the need to seed out my biological parents. It sounds like this man did not grow up with a dad, and now he wants to know about him.
I have many thoughts on this, too long to go into here, but whenever you go putting your hand into a hole, be prepared to either find gold, or get bitten.
Cory, this story also hit home for me. I was told my biological father headed for the hills as soon as he learned my mother was pregnant after threatening her if she ever tried to claim him as my father. My mother had a hot temper, took one of my grandfather’s guns and started after my alleged biological father with pistol in hand. Luckily my grandfather was able to intervene and stopped her before she could execute her revenge. Luckily for me my grandfather also acted as my surrogate father as I grew up, treating me even better than his own children.
Later in life my spouse tracked down my biological and his family through Ancestry.com and encouraged me to contact them. I declined for many of the reasons you articulated in your post. I have never regretted that decision, although I probably owed my biological father belated thanks for his abandonment of my mother and me. He was obviously not ready to be a husband or father and his presence would likely have interfered with my grandfather’s loving attention to our unfortunate circumstances. So, a belated “Thanks Dad,” to this stranger for the results, rather than the selfish intent, of his actions.
It’s not always about people “feeling incomplete” or adoptees trying to track down their biological parents. Sometimes people are just interested in genealogy and their family tree. Sometimes a person simply wants to know what part of Ireland or Germany their great-grandfather came from, and it’s amazing how much information can get lost from one generation to the next. For example, my wife’s mother couldn’t tell her where her great-aunt had come from, even though the elderly lady had lived with the family for years.
I have family members who are interested in genealogy, I’ve watched “Finding Your Roots” with Henry Louis Gates, Jr., and I had no idea this topic caused so much agita. I never dreamed someone simply contacting a person in an attempt to learn about his family tree would be attacked as a “cyberstalker.”
One valid reason not yet mentioned to justify using sites such as Ancester.com to learn about one’s ancestors is the benefit of determining medical history and geneological factors that could affect one’s health as the health of on’e descendants.
Ancestry has yet another human family tree link. Hickey is gonna be shocked. No wonder we like Chinese Buffet’s.
“The human family tree has grown another branch, after researchers unearthed remains of a previously unknown hominin species from a cave in the Philippines. They have named the new species, which was probably small-bodied, Homo luzonensis.
The discovery, reported in Nature on 10 April1, is likely to reignite debates over when ancient human relatives first left Africa. And the age of the remains — possibly as young as 50,000 years old — suggests that several different human species once co-existed across southeast Asia.https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-019-01152-3
Wonderful story about your grandfather, bcb. Thanks so much for sharing that. I feel the same about my grandfather, though I’m not adopted. Such people as your grandfather are rare but maybe not as rare as we think, if we just shared stories such as your. Again, thanks.
Joanna, we welcome long thoughts. But I also thank you for your brief thoughts.
Joanna makes a fair point: her situation and mine appear to differ from that of the man in Kennecke’s story, since Joanna and I both had secure, stable adoptive family situations that fulfilled our parental needs. If someone asked me who my dad was, I could point to my dad, and if some honyocker said, “No, I mean your real dad,” I could say, “That guy I’m pointing to gives me my real supper, my real bed, my real chores, and my real spankings. Dads don’t get more real than that.”
We all have our reasons for the extent to which we choose to dig into our pasts. I won’t issue a blanket rule or condemnation, and I won’t stand in the way of those who want to dig into their pasts. But in the story Kennecke tells, the man who went looking for his sperm contributor involved others who appear not to share his interest in digging into that past. His story suggests at the very least that before we drag other people into connecting with a past they’ve chosen to leave behind, we’d better make sure we’ve got darn good reasons… and maybe a lawyer and extra cash.
Bear, heck of a story, worth short-film treatment at the Aberdeen Film Festival!
I have wondered about the medical issue… though right away, I can think of a challenging legal/moral question: should people who’ve never known their biological parents be able to demand those strangers’ medical records and the medical records of those strangers’ families? Does my need to know if I (or my child) have a heightened risk of heart disease or other hereditary conditions take precedence over those distant/distanced biological relatives’ right to privacy? Did Bear’s runaway sperm contributor (remember, the guy didn’t stick around to do any real “dad” work) give up that right to privacy? If he did, did he also subject his later family, if he had one, to invasions of their privacy by a half-brother/-uncle/-what-have-you?
Chris S.: agita? I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard that word used. Thank you for contributing to my vocabulary!
Thanks Robin and Cory for your kind words.
I would be remiss if I failed to mention that the only reason my grandfather could step up as a surrogate dad was because my grandmother was willing to take me in as an infant and care for me until my mother was able to take over in a few years. Even after my mother took over, my grandparents provided a loving second home for me every summer until I was a senior in high school. They made an admirable team of caring surrogate parents!
Correct mfi if he is wrong, but don’t health insurance companies already scan ancestries and DNA for pre-existing conditions they accept premiums for but won’t pay out for?
bcb, no offense intended, but could you have been the inspiration for Uncle Shel Silverstein’s song, “A Boy Named Sue”?
We traced the Pay ancestors back to England, and, yada yada, I’m Facebook friends with several shirttail relatives in Great Britain, including one who was in the Royal Navy. We thought that was proof enough that the Pays came from England, but then one of my second cousins did a DNA test and found we had a Y-Chromosome with markers the descend from the Vikings. The Vikings were world travelers and raiders, and they conducted many raids of England, established settlements and finally overran the northern and eastern part of the country. They also established territories in Normandy, and the Normans would later invade England as well. The Vikings held the territory for a couple centuries, during which time there was intermarriage and, I suppose, some rape. The Y-chromosome descends directly from father to son, and conserves the traits from way back much better than other DNA, which tends to get mixed out. The same is true for mitochondrial DNA which descends from the mother in both sexes.
None of this proves that I am a Viking, but it is interesting.
Another recent addition to the use of ancestry.com and DNA is the recent breakthrough in familia DNA.
Several rapists and serial killers have been captured using familia DNA most recently the “Golden Gate” serial killer that terrorized California for decades.
As I understand it, once you send in your DNA sample you are also agreeing to allow it in the public domain where anybody can access it.
mfi, no but I sure do enjoy his lyrics – Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show was one of my favorite bands that sang Uncle Shel’s lyrics! I think I identified more with the character in “Carry Me, Carrie” than with Sue.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7Z50V7tadg
RIP Ray Sawyer, Shel and Johnny
Donald, as I understand it, almost everyone in Britain has DNA from the Vikings. Everyone from about 1100 on, anyway. National Geo has a wonderful trip to the Inner and Outer Hebrides that explains all the Viking history in the British Isles.
And Roger, several innocent men in prison for decades have been cleared through DNA.
As the Dad of 6 adopted children, I have mixed feelings about any of them meeting biological family. For some I feel it will bring about old trauma which hasn’t been properly addressed. So it will be up to each one to make that decision, I will support that decision. One aspect we have always wondered is family health. Of course, much of the adverse health comes from high cortisol levels in utero and in the first 5 years – my 2 oldest have early childhood trauma in spades.
This is dumb. I just read through the filed court papers. Dumb people being dumb on both sides.
I don’t see this going anywhere, but I will start popping popcorn cause it will be fun to watch.
Very interesting. Thanks everyone. Sometimes a child is better off adopted than with a bio family.
My grandmother did extensive family research in the 1960s and especially 1970s after she was forced to retire from teaching because she was 70 yo. Since it was pre-internet Grama wrote letters to Britain. Through the correspondence she got to know some of the government folks.
Turns out there were clergy and nobility in my ancestry and those English folks are ferocious about keeping records. That Norman gentleman who sullied “pure” British blood? Yeah, my ancestor, William the Conqueror. But even before him in the 800s there some guys with weird names like Ethelred the Unready. Yeah. Not very noble sounding, but he did run a sizable chunk of the island for a time.
Much less noteworthy is a great, great, great grandmother Nixon. Yeah, could be. We’ve never tried to find out. it’s one of those things we’d rather not know.
None of the info has changed my life, but I really like having such deep maternal roots. Paternal only goes back about 8 generations.
I hope the daughter from Texas wins the lawsuit. This guy needs to grow-up and get on with his life.
So, a more factual reality arrived unannounced upon Ms. Ulrich’s flawed version of familial events. How unsettling for her. I do find the immediacy with which she produced “documentation” refuting this “new” reality somewhat telling. 22 minutes? Knew the day may come perhaps? And a good lawsuit on top of it?
Sounds like someone had plan…….and thus assets worthy of a plan. Can’t blame either party for their actions.
But “cyberstalking”?
Hardly.
Not knowing the nature of the defendant’s communications with the plaintiff, we can’t really say whether it satisfies either state’s definition of cyberstalking; nor can we say whether the plaintiff’s desire for $50K is justified by the defendant’s actions.
I dig where you’re coming from, Francis… and we should all tip our hats to your choice to give six children a home.
Note that Francis, too, says his kids have the choice to dig into their past as they so desire. But we all need to be clear about why we would dig into our pasts, what we think we’ll get from that digging, and how we’ll deal with what we find, good or bad.
My brother-in-law who is 67 just recently found out he has a half-sister, also as a result of Ancestry. He has a full sister and two half-sisters (who are full sisters to her). His stepfather was not yet divorced and unwilling to commit so his mother gave up their first child. The first two kids were too young to understand their mother’s pregnancy, but now the siblings are excited and embracing this, in fact he was set to meet her for the first time this weekend the other girls have already met, except for one (his full sister I think) who didn’t want to have anything to do with it. That sister gave up a child of her own as a teenager so he thinks it’s bringing up old issues she doesn’t want to deal with. His mother and stepfather are no longer living, but they know it’s true because she left a letter for the adoptive family in her own handwriting to explain it all. He thinks this adoptive girl may have been the lucky one because their family life was so tumultuous the stepfather was difficult to put it mildly. I haven’t heard yet how the meeting went they were going to have a “family dinner.”
If Mr. Olsen has the time, resources, and money to continue his search for his father through Ms. Ulrich’ DNA he can do so surreptitiously by gathering her DNA through her trash or other means that are perfectly legal.
I submit the legislatures should pass a law bill next year that requires all South Dakotans to submit to these spit tests before being allowed to vote, and then in the Democrat interest of transparency the results should be in a base of data put on the line so everybody can search and study. We would then really find out who in Buffalo county is related to whom in Lincoln county and so forth. It would be really neat.
I wonder what such a study, done #4Science of course, would show as to which counties are the most inbred or the most filled with out-of-state or even overseas descendants. This, good sirs, is what the bases of data are all about.
Nay! The way Dr. Boz would do this, they way Ms. Hubbel fears the most, is that you must spit in the cup before you can drive or hunt. That is how the legislatures should approach this. And then put the results of the inbredism and outbreadism on the internets.
grudznick does have some REALLY good ideas sometimes. Sometimes they catch fire.
Found out my brother-in-law’s meeting with his half-sister went well. It was joyful but she knew going into it why she had been put up for adoption because of the letter so that lessened the likelihood of a traumatic can of worms, but it is worth remembering there are positive outcomes and it’s definitely not a one size fits all answer. As people get older they often get more interested in genealogy and family history. I can see though that sometimes the past is better left undisturbed.
Genealogy could be a useful tool to try to discover which generation of wingnuts completely jumped the rails and maybe biologists could locate the gene(s) responsible and remove them.
Mr. Heidelberger … Save your money. No need to consult a DNA test. I’m an expert in heritage detection and you’re undoubtedly Irish. Put your photo next to Jeremiah Murphy and you’ll see a distinct resemblance of facial and body structure. You don’t get more Irish than the Murphy clan from Counties Cork and Kerry. Celtic descent also explains why you’ve decided alcohol isn’t good for you. Irish blood raised by a loving German father is a stellar background. You’ve made your parents proud, I’m sure. Keep up the good work. South Dakota is a better place since you and Erin decided to raise children there.
Speaking of growing and Porter, my aspersions are coming through the ground. Welcome back, Porter.
Thank you kindly, sir. Hoping the flood waters aren’t ruining your Spring. Our snowpack has barely begun to melt and it’s massive. CO run off reaches the Missouri below you though (Omaha) so that’s good news. It’s great to be back but I’ll try to shut up and let you do what you do so well. #grins
Irish—interesting… and could explain the appeal of a woman named Erin. (That, or perhaps her brilliance, her wit, her serious theology….)
That’s funny, Cory. My daughter’s name is Erin and she often gets asked if she’s Irish. She says,”Nope. German.” Just like Weber. 😳 (We named her Erin because we liked Erin Moran in Happy Days.)
The Irish are just fun people. BEST IRISH JOKE
What’s the difference between Mick Jagger and an Irishman?
Mick Jagger says in his Cockney accent, “Hey you, get off of my cloud.”
An Irishman says in his Irish brogue, “Hey McCloud. Get off of my ewe.”
from Barry Carpenter – drummer Red Willow Band